So here's the deal, on May 8th (next Friday) I am going under the knife again :-( for the same thing I had surgery for back in high school. I am really looking forward to it because I have had chronic pain since I finished playing ball 3 years ago. The last time I had this surgery, I recovered very quickly, with nothing different from before the surgery, so I am hoping that this will go the same way this time also.
After learning that I had to have another surgery, I started thinking about whether or not playing college softball was worth it. I had a love for the game when I was younger, but as I got older, playing softball became a job specifically to get a college scholarship. By the time I was getting ready to sign my scholarship I was starting to wonder whether I was playing for the right reasons.
Anyway... I went to college, and played for three long years. (Joe pretty much forced me to stay because he didn't want my parents hating him and blaming him for giving up something that I thought I wanted so badly). I am glad I went and I am glad that I get to say "I played division 1 college softball." Not many people are given such a great opportunity, but looking back, it kicked my butt.
My freshman year, first day of practice, I twisted my right knee wrong and it swelled up. I immediately got sent to the trainer from hell and had to do rehad for like 12 weeks and wasn't allowed to play softball. Sounds like a break huh? WRONG... you have to go to every practice, study table, game, etc. and be the teams biggest fan. I understand doing that, believe me... it was just a lot when you couldn't even play. Once I was finally released, I was pitching and stepped in my own hole and separated the immobile joint in my foot... SERIOUSLY? I had to wear a boot for like 10 weeks and they were considering surgery. All this in my freshman year. While doing this, I was slowly wearing away the bone in my ankle making it very weak. I had to have my ankle taped very tightly before I could even think about stepping foot on a softball field for the next 3 years.
My sophomore year was a bit better, I knew what to expect and was in better shape. We were down in Cincinnati playing a double header when I got a terrible phone call. Joe had been in a really terrible accident. He told me the details and that he was pretty bruised up but he was going to be ok, then he got very upset. He told me if I would have been with him he would have killed me. I thought, no way, he is exaggerating. Well, the next day, when we got home from the DH I got right in my car and drove another hour home to see him. He asked me not to drive past where his car was parked (at some garage, they were trying to salvage what they could). I honored his wishes, and broke down the second I saw him, all battered and bruised. I wanted to see the car and what really happened. I needed to see it, to put my mind to rest. Turns out, if I were with Joe that night I would have been killed. He was so lucky and I thanked God a lot around that time because had I been with him that night, I wouldn't be here today.
But I wanted to quit softball after this incident because I was so far away from him when he needed me the most. It was really hard to stay in Cincinnati for another few days to finish up our softball games before getting to talk to him. He convinced me that I was where I was supposed to be, for more reasons than one, and that he would be here when I got home. (Just one of the many reasons why I love my husband, he is always encouraging me to continue with my dreams and not to worry about him, he's always going to be there!)
My junior year wasn't too bad, Joe and I got engaged on a cruise to the US Virgin Islands and that is when I decided enough was enough. I didn't love the game anymore and I was ready to move on in my life. The college parties and all the drama (it was RIDICULOUS), I was done with it all. I informed my coach in January that the upcoming season would be my last. I went out with a bang. We ended up winning our tournament and advancing to the finals. (Also an awesome experience that I am glad I was given the opportunity to experience). I made some great friends from softball, but it was a time in my life where it wasn't even close to the top of my priority list.
So, the reason for this post was to explain the surgery I am going to be having in a few weeks. It's called a lateral release. After I explain this, you will know why I blame softball on my injuries. I have a patellar tilt, which means my knee cap sits completely sideways on my legs. I was born like that. If I had not played softball, it probably never would have bothered me and I would have never needed surgery. Now, 6 years later, I am having my second knee surgery and I still get aches and pains all the time. UGH...
Please don't get me wrong, softball paid for my school, without which I would not have been able to go away to school and I am fortunate for that. I am also very fortunate for some of the best friends a girl could ever want, that I made soley through softball. But, right now, I am weighing in my head whether it was worth it.