Thursday, April 22, 2010


It's currently 5:46AM and I have not been asleep since 10:30AM YESTERDAY!

Yeah, read it again if you must. I'm not quite sure how I am going to make it through today at work, but somehow (with lots of caffeine) I'm going to have to!

Ever had one of those nights where your head will. not. shut. up. Well that was last night for me. It started with Joe catching whatever the heck I've had for the past few days and him tossing/turning/coughing to start off my night. No big deal, I've been doing this since Sunday and Joe hasn't complained at all, I can do this! WRONG!

I move to the couch, where after lying there for 2 hours, decide to turn on the tv and watch 2 episodes of Desperate Housewives on the DVR. This brings me to approximately 3AM. I then proceed to call myself off work, thinking there is no way that I can go into work after only a few hours of sleep. Then I proceed to toss and turn and worry about my work. Are you kidding me.

So, here I sit, at 5:49, dressed for work, waiting until I can leave, hit the gas station and McDonald's all before starting work at 7AM.

There are so many things going on in my head right now, I can't even begin to explain. But allow me to try:

- I have this project at work due this next week because my boss doesn't understand the way work actually works, and that you cannot set a deadline 10 minutes after you assign something and expect it to be the way SHE WANTS IT!

- I had a sinus infection that has prevented me from breathing for the past few days. I've literally slept for the past 3 days (and failed miserably at any attempts to be any sort of wife this week!)

- My mom's best friend is dying of cancer. It started with breast cancer and has progressed and is now in her bones. Shes dying a terrible, painful, agonizing death and she's the same age as my mom. It's scary to think it could be my mom in this position.

- Joe is putting in for a new job at his work. Which is great, but becoming very stressful in our house. He's on pins and needles every evening and gets angry at me for asking for anything. I don't know how to let him know that I'm anxious too, without upsetting him. It's my personality to ask questions and be interested in every part of his life!

- My inlaws have planned an entire weekend for Joe's dad and grandpa's birthday, and have yet to tell us about it. I heard about the whole plan from my sister in law and it's very upsetting. My sister's birthday is also this weekend, and my family doesn't expect us to be there, they call us and ask. Now, I've "double booked" us, and my mother in law is not going to take that for an answer. I hate having to divide and conquer when I wasn't wrong in the first place!

- We are going on vacation in like 2 weeks. I don't have everything I want, Joe has lost like 40 lbs so we are going to need to buy him an entirely new wardrobe before we leave, and our money tree hasn't quite matured in the backyard yet.

Am I being crazy? Maybe it's because I've been sick these last few days, but I will be lucky to make it home this evening without having a mental breakdown at work.

Oh, and to top it off, it's nothing compared to what two of my co-workers have gone through in the past year, so I feel like I can't talk about anything at work because I don't want them to feel like I'm trying to make my situations worse when they have faced some pretty serious stuff.

I could really use some help here. Thanks bloggers :-)


andrea said...

glad you are feeling better. sorry joe is sick. the plaque went through our house too.

i hope the job opportunity for joe works out, I am the same way though, I ask questions and mike gets defensive. then I get pissed that his defensive because I jsut want to know something!!

sorry to hear about your mom's friend :(

just think - in 2 weeks you will be on vacation! on the beach! with joe in expensive new clothes! (lol)

the only thing that helps me deal wiht frustration and overall annoyance with life is writing, drinking wine and finding a way to laugh about it.

Anonymous said...

Tricia hun you are not alone. I know exactly how you feel - although my thoughts that keep me up at night are always money issues since I'm a stay at home mom and we just bought a new house. It's a scary thing. And Jeremy is the same way Joe is -- he gets very on edge about things and I cannot not ask him nor bring anything up or he gets really snippy with me and I hate it. I want him to know that I am there for him to talk to... maybe that's just how men are. But hang in there hun, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Good luck on your work project!! And just remember to sit back and breathe once in a while, it really does help. :0) I hope things start looking up for you soon. Take care.

renee said...

well {{{hugs}}} first. I hate when one of us is sick and the other one isn't. the one who isn't cant sleep and really neither can the one who IS. lol. but i've been an insomniac since i was a teenager. i sleep a few hours a night and sometimes not at all. for some reason my brain will NEVER shut up lol. i totally understand about joes job. men just do things differently than women. we want to sit around and discuss every possibility and how we're feeling and what we're thinking. but men just want to internalize it and "pretend" it's not happening. but in the process, they end up upsetting us. it's a vicious cycle lol. i'm very sorry about your moms friend. afa your inlaws etc. i would go wherever we were INVITED first. and i would not be shy about saying that to them. that way they know that you were hurt by being left out and hopefully they will be more considerate next time.